All of my life I have been Dancing with balance… in my head. I am really ready to integrate balance all the way in to my body and my life, and am calling forth the tools and assistance to take that giant step into true listening to my inner needs and true willingness to act on them. With this comes both genuine freedom and tremendous responsibility. This concept of balance has always been to me just that… a concept. What does it really mean? I’m finding I only receive the answers to that question as I notice AND choose to shift the cycles that have been driving me in barely conscious ways for decades.
Workaholism comes easily to me. I have drive and ambition and know my purpose on the planet, and there is a never-ending “tado” list. I have a tremendous reservoir of energy, always have, and I can draw heavily on it. What’s been underneath all that is a desperate need for acknowledgment; to be seen as “exceptional”; to be the best at what I do; to earn approval and acceptance; and of course the endless seeking for financial abundance. Time for a new paradigm!
As I traveled in the Midwest this spring, taking my work out on the road with my beloved, Apollo, I declared that it was Time. I busted the endless cycle of “I’ll have time to rest after this trip or project or [fill in the blank]”. If I’m going to have balance, it must begin NOW. What emerged from that was a very old, very integral shadow aspect of myself. She revealed herself and told me her name: GetShitDone Girl. I shortened that to GSD Girl. She had been running my life as far back as I could remember. She is a master of accomplishment; no deadline too short, no project too large, messy, or difficult.
My desire was to honor her place in my inner pantheon and be able to call on her as needed, without her running my whole life. Enter Shadow Work. While traveling, I had an opportunity to receive a session from Shadow Work founder Cliff Barry and his wife Vicki Woodard in Fairfield, Iowa, supported by my dear friends Joe and Julie, also Shadow Work facilitators. It was a fantastic session, where GSD girl got to reveal her original purpose in my life (to protect me in my unsafe childhood) and she was honored as an important part of me. Although I can’t fully describe the process since I was deeply immersed in it, I understood and embraced the value of working with archetypes and symbolic processes as a way to catalyze inner shifts.
Upon my return home about two weeks later, I could feel the ways in which I was beginning to embody the balance I had called in. I have started consciously implementing new practices, which I will share with you here:
1. I follow my muse. I ask myself, “What do I FEEL like doing next?” instead of imposing the previous protocol, which was to start with the hardest thing on the list and work my way down to the easiest until I finished the list or dropped from exhaustion, whichever came first.
2. I take weekends off. No more work weeks that never end. Just because I’m self employed and work at home does not mean I need to be the worst boss I’ve ever had or live in my office.
3. I soften my focus. I no longer require myself to have a razor sharp edge at all times. When I need a reminder, I watch the 2:36 minute video called Prickles & Goo.
4. I go outside and play. I live in a tropical paradise, for heaven’s sake! Hiking, swimming, camping, backpacking, or just laying on the grass under the stars are all part of what I moved to Maui for.
5. My current growth edge is to ask for help and to delegate. I don’t have to do it all myself, and I truly can trust others to do it as well as I would. (Okay, I’m almost convinced, but not quite.)
6. I remain tuned in to this process that is a constant unfolding. I know that balance is never static, never finished, always in motion. A Dance with a capital D.
When I really need to remember exactly what it is I am here for, I read my favorite quote from Abraham-Hicks:
All is well, and you will never get it done. Life is supposed to be fun. No one is taking score of any kind, and if you will stop taking score so much, you will feel a whole lot better – and as you feel a whole lot better, more of the things that you want right now will flow to you. You will never be in a place where all of the things that you are wanting will be satisfied right now, or then you would be complete – and you never can be. This incomplete place that you stand in is the best place that you could be. You are right on track, right on schedule. Everything is unfolding perfectly. All is really well. Have fun. Have fun. Have fun!